Oh boy. This has been one of those mornings in the Ackerman house. Last night was a late night at church. The group "Cloverton" was in concert at our church. It was an amazing time of worship, fun and fellowship...but it was really late, for a school night. It was hard to get Emilie up this morning.
And then there's Gage, who I'm convinced has an internal alarm clock set to go off at 6:00 every morning without fail...no matter what time he goes to sleep the night before. It wouldn't be so bad if he'd just let others sleep, but since he shares a bedroom with his brother, Ty (who is NOT in any way a morning person)...well, let's just say, mornings are not always fun. Poor Ty was born with a "night owl syndrome" like his dad. The boy just takes forever to fall asleep at night...So needless to say, we're having a rough morning.
Have you ever noticed how when we're tired and cranky it's never enough to just be alone and quiet? We have to have the last word, even if it's not necessary and we've been warned. How often do we bark orders or complaints at others around us just because we feel the need to express our frustration at our lack of sleep? Ty, this morning, was throwing blocks at his siblings, yelling at them (and me), and then had the nerve to scream and sass when he was punished...all because he's tired.
Honestly, it's hard to stay frustrated at him. I know how he feels. It makes me think about how often I take advantage of the goodness and patience of God. I so often just barge into His presence and start complaining and barking orders at Him...as if He's supposed to do what I say! This morning, I read these words from Psalm 139: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my worries, concerns and anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (verses 23-24) It's a reminder to me to be still and just relax and be quiet. It's scary to let the Lord search my heart, because I know there's a lot of yuck in there. I forget that there's no point in trying to hide any of it. He already knows! Which in itself is kind of comforting. The Lord knows when I'm tired and cranky and having a bad morning. He also knows when things are going great and I'm feeling on top of the world. Searching my heart (I think) is for my own benefit. Confession is for my own benefit as well. It's a reminder of how I'm not God of my life. I'm nowhere near perfect! Sometimes I want what I want when I want it. Sometimes I'm selfish enough to not even care what effect this has on others around me. I'm so thankful that the Lord understands my human-ness and gives grace daily to cover it and draw me to Himself anyway.
"Lord, help me to sincerely want what leads me to You even if it's not pleasing to me. Allow me to see where I don't live as You've called me to live. Grant me the courage to be quiet and let you search my heart and then to acknowledge my sin to You and to those I've hurt or offended. 'God, help me to be closer to You so I'm farther from me (Cloverton)'. Help me to trust Your hand in Your leading. Allow my look at how You've worked in the past to give me confidence to trust You again. You are so trustworthy, Lord! Thank you for daily, amazing grace!"
Until the world sees and is amazed by HIS awesomeness!!
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