Nature and Trust

Today is Tuesday.  Tuesday is trash day.  Every Tuesday morning, I drive Emilie to the bus stop, and when I get home, I put the trash out at the end of the driveway.  Big deal, you say.  TOTALLY big deal...today.  Because today I found something.

Yesterday was a very wet day with rain and snow coming down relentlessly all day.  So the ground is really saturated.  I've gotten pretty good at identifying some tracks up here in the middle of nature.  Bunnies, elk, deer, ground squirrels...Today, however, I found a new one.  A big one, resembling a huge paw!!  For this city girl, immediately I looked around to make sure I wasn't about to be eaten.  I don't know what this pawprint is, could be a big dog, but my "citi-fied" mind just KNOWS it's more than likely a mountain lion.  If you were sitting here with me right now, you could see me shiver and see the goosebumps all over my arms.  Nothing scares me more than mountain lions...today.  The other day, it was snakes.  Mostly because Emilie found one in the yard.  Rick utterly destroyed the little beast.  YAY!!!  I took a picture of it and showed it to a game warden friend of ours at church and was then informed that garter snakes are actually really great for your yard...oops...What can I say?  I'm from the city.

Anyone who really knows me knows that I'm a wuss.  I'm afraid of everything.  Oh, I can put on a strong face when I need to.  But deep down, I'm really afraid.  Here are a few examples: 

*I was afraid we'd never have kids. 
*I was afraid we would and then I'd mess them up. 
*I'm afraid to play sports for fear of injury or more importantly,  looking stupid. 
*I'm afraid to let the kids play outside.
*I'm afraid of our Disney vacation this August!  How silly! I'm afraid I won't be able to keep up with the rest of my family. 
*There was even a time when I was afraid for the kids to ride in the car with anyone but me (including with their dad).
*I'm afraid my husband will get tired of me and leave, or worse, find someone else.

God's revealed a lot to me lately about me and this lack of trust I have.  Number one, it's a debilitating fear that does not come from the Lord.  Second Timothy 1:7 tells us that "God gave us a spirit NOT OF FEAR but of power and love and self-control.  Number 2,  is that I need to recognize where this fear comes from.  I heard author and speaker Beth Moore say once that "Satan's main goal is to demoralize you.  Demoralization is when Satan figures out who you are afraid you are most and sets out to confirm that it's true in your life".  Wow!  Take a second to wrap your mind around that statement.  For me, this all comes down to the fact that I'm afraid that God doesn't treasure those that I treasure.  This is a bold statement for me to make. Does God really love my kids and my husband the way that I do?  The correct answer is no.  He loves them so much more than I ever could. 

Trust is hard.  Please indulge me for a moment while I share some verses that the Lord has given me recently to help me with this issue of trust.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7

"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one."  2 Thessalonians 3:3

""But you are a shield around me, O Lord;  you bestow glory on me and lift up my head."  Psalm 3:3

I could go on and on and on, but instead I just want to pray:
"Lord, my feeble attempts at taking care of myself must amuse You sometimes.  Please forgive me for not totally leaning on You and for choosing to live in fear instead.  Take away my fears and fill me with Your calm assurance.  I look forward to the day when 'the wolf will dwell with the lamb, and the leopard will lie down with the goat, and the little child will lead them.  Then the cow will feed with the bear; Their young will lie down together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox. The infant will play near the hole of the cobra, and the young child will put his hand into the viper's hole; they will neither harm nor destroy on all Your holy mountain, for the earth will be full of the knowledge of you, O Lord.'  (Isaiah 11: 6-9) Thank You, Jesus, that You are more powerful than all my fears and powerful enough to change me.  I love You."

Until the world sees and is amazed by His awesomeness!!